Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize