we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
