I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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