Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
