Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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