saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
