He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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