Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
