i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
