I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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