genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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