I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize