i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize