the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sponge bath it is.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
