I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
try to milk me bitch
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