I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
