At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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