I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
