Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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