is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
bring money and cleavage
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
