You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
