I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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