you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
