your parents love me but you hate me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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