dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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