i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't turn off my feet"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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