even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize