i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My bed is full of blood and feathers
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
