We need to rekindle our bromance
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
