96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize