You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
