New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No subtext here. People are naked.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
