just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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