I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
