she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize