just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
