3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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