We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
