id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
