it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
