Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
