No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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