I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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