Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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