Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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