there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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