Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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