for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
