Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
