Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
