I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
