good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
