Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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