last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
