Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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