i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
