obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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