In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
