..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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