I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
