I have demons in me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
