Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
