so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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