cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
