If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
