do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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