piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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