And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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