It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
