why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Houston, we have a squirter
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
