Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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