I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
