She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
