Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
