just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
