If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
