I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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