my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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