I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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