The maid of honor just puked.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
