You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
