Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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