I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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