I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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