when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Rumble strips road head = magical
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
