After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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