he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
