if i can run in heels then i can drive
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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