if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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