the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
