I take back everything I said about communal showers
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize