You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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