If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
