I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
