if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize