it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I believe in your delicious
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
