To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
