the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
