is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
