Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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