I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
