About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
