I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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